"I and I"

A couple of days ago, I realized I lost control of my life. I went to Clifton with Tom to see the always amazing Joshua Starry. We had some shots and beer and went to the liquor store and got more drinks and arrived back and drank on his roof. Clifton has a lot of good memories for me and a lot of bad ones. I spent a good 5 days a week there for a year and a half making shitty music and hanging with band members who would slowly disappear. Sitting on the roof I looked at Tom and Josh and realized in a month it would be difficult for this to happen again. Tom is going to Seattle at the end of August and Josh is moving to Florida/Chicago in about two weeks. This gets me a little choked up and then I think of other people who were some of my close friends who disappeared and now I never see again. Change is the only constant and change is good but this is bad. Sitting on the roof being drunk, I saw the ground below me and it was beautiful. It looked like the perfect fall and the perfect way to go. Needless to say I got out of my head and the night eventually ended. The whole next day I kept thinking about this and what to do. At 3pm, I went to a Stevie B's house and for some reason we decided to drink. We drank a good amount of beers, he drove around walking dogs for 2 hours while we are drinking sailor jerry, we got back to his house and drank more. It comes to 8pm and a whole 30 is gone. I am now a complete and utter mess and can't handle anything, the more I kept thinking the more I knew it was time to die. We drive from Boundbrook to Gillette to go to Bartons, where we are there until 2am. Alot of it is a blur, but I know I was trying to score drugs, and convinced this was the night...

I just finished reading a book on spirits, aura, and inside well being. I came to a realization...

I've been attaching bad spirits on me, by having a self destructive personality. The more bad spirits that are attaching to me the worse things go. In order to get better you have to do visualization techniques and meditation, I know it sounds crazy but it really isn't. Maybe it's all fake and you are just believing in this so you can convince your mind that now you are better and then you act it, maybe it is real, i don't know.
All I know is having these past couple of days of leaving my body to see my spirit has allowed me to learn.
Everything I want is attainable, if I just throw myself out there it can happen, and it will happen if my soul is developed enough for it.

I know this makes me sound like a suicidal fuck who now is just plain crazy, but that's not it anymore. My mind is now calm. If I only see how bad this world is, that's all I am going to know...there is beauty all around me I just have to surround myself with good aura...

20 minutes of meditation in the morning, think in your head that there is this white wall in front of you where badness can't get through. It might help.

My full plan of attack starts on Monday, since the past few days have been about detoxing of the soul.
I'm ready.

If you haven't seen me in the past two weeks, you might want to. Lets experience beauty together.

"I and I, we're taking control of our lives
I and I, we're taking control of our lives
I and I, we're taking control of our lives
Everything's alright"