this is me being real

I sat on a bench the other day, overlooking the NYC skyline. There were all these people there taking pictures and trying to be cute. I was alone, the only company I held was a poland spring bottle with vodka and diet sprite. I sat there for a couple hours, it was difficult because I felt awkward alone and didn't want anyone to see me. I stuck through it and sat and thought about life, I went through everything in my head, possible scenarios of a cause and effect of my actions.

I don't want to live anymore.

These are my favorite bands of all time:
AFI
Alkaline Trio
The Bouncing Souls
Green Day
Bayside

they have in common some ideals and principals that I wish more bands would recognize. None of these bands just wrote songs to be huge or sign to a major label right off the bat. They plugged their ways through hard times and built their way from the ground up. I'm sure at numerous times in their career they almost gave up, after years of playing you just think to yourself how it sucks to struggle for rent and maybe you should just give it up and go somewhere and get a 9-5 job. It's easy to do that, but these bands didn't and they stuck through it and have things to show for it now. Anyone can be the next flash in the z100 top hit club, it takes skill, dedication, and a drive to actually build a career. It doesn't matter how old you are or what you look like to do this. If you have your heart in the right place the pieces fit (eventually).. You start your band and your first 5 fans slowly grow to 10 and then 15 and so on, you can't let set backs fuck you up (labels, van break downs, drama, member loss), believe in it, right your true song, something will happen.

Right something true and that you believe in.
This is your moment, seize it.

It's not about how many facebook or myspace friends you have.
It's not about how many tagged photos there are of you on facebook.
It's not about driving in your jaguar.
It's not about how many picture comments you have or about commenting on your own (ex: lyke omg this picture is so funny i was looking at Frank while doing a shot and I'm so suprised in it...or i look so bad in this pic (then why the fuck did you put it online?))
It's not about having an iPhone and buying really cool new apps.
It's not about your blackberry and bbm'ing all these people (people that probably don't give a fuck about you)
It's not about how you just downloaded the complete first season of some show and you hooked it up to your plasma and just balling.
It's not about saying some record is really good because that's the thing to do.
It's not about tvo'ing some dvr'ing so you never miss an episode.
It's not about your sweet net flix account.

this shit shouldn't run your life and if it does I feel really fucking bad for you.

Go read a book, a real book not a fucking Tom Clancy novel
Go fucking outside and take a walk in a scenic area.
Go have a social interaction with real friends.
Go sit outside with a cup of coffee on a nice day and just sit and think.
Listen to some music that is meaningful and from the heart and actually has a message, and if Forever the Sickest Kids are that band for you, I feel really bad.
Go do something positive.

there's so much bullshit surrounding all of us and we get so trapped in it, myself included at times. It's so annoying having 840 friends on facebook doesn't mean shit when it comes down to it, because I bet you only talk to the same 4 motherfuckers each day.
Does anyone get the difference between a friend and a FRIEND. That dude you see at the bar and you guys have drinks and get really drunk and talk about the "bitches you fuck" is not a friend, the dude who goes to the city with you cause you have a ticket to pay and who is there for you is a real friend...

I don't care for people who keep needing to bring up how they were the man back in the day, or who needs to constantly promote the idiotness of this whole world.
Leave me the fuck alone, I get more enjoyment out of sitting in my room with a book and a cup of coffee then hanging out with a motherfucker who won't shut the fuck up about bullshit.

Everything I do is a contradiction to myself, but everything you do is just full of shit.

What was your big accomplishment? Getting the high score in a fucking playstation game? Fuck off realize you are full of shit...

Just throwing this one out there too...
If you get drunk and then think you are a tough guy you are a fool. Beer muscles isn't shit. You're a fuck up the whole day but once alcohol touches your lips and you get drunk, you're the man. Fuck that. Motherfucker I stand up for myself sober or drunk, I'll lay you out when I just wake up in the morning, I don't need alcohol to be a tough guy. ( i need alcohol to take away my suicidal edge)

Think about how much bullshit and bullshit people surround you, get the fuck out of my life. You were never the man and you never will be, go get a sick job from your dad, so you can drive your sick jag, so you can pick up mad bitches, so you can talk to your boys about how this slut just wanted your dick, so then you can get some new video games, so then you can beat them, so then you can pump the new 50cent cd because you're down...

fuck off, eat shit, lose my phone number.

favorite movie ever...fast forward to 1:10

Example # 3...

A girl who had a wristband on (meaning she is over 21 and should not be a fool anymore), walked up to me, she points at my arm and goes "Do you like Bayside? I love them"... now she pointed at my arm because I have their band logo on me, meaning she knows it is a Bayside tattoo, now why would you ask me if I like them... no in all honesty I hate them... I hate them so much that I spent money on getting them forever tattooed on my arm in a very visible location... I also have an AFI tattoo, an Alkaline Trio tattoo, and a Bouncing Souls tattoo because I hate them so much...


(i'm really not a huge asshole...)

(actually I am...but I'll try to be nice to you...)

(not really, but we can pretend...)

i like when people try to talk to me...

Example #1...
Some girl just walked up to me and said "I have that computer"..I replied, "So do I".. (her not realizing I am stating a clear obvious fact just trying to end the conversation proceeds).. "I really like it a lot, it's so fast and looks so cute", she then says... I go "Yea I bought mine when it came out which was 3 months ago so it is still fast to"..(she still won't end the conversation) "I love how it comes with a webcam so I can video chat with people", I reply "Yea they hit the nail on the head" (I realize that this conversation was not going to end easily so I take out my phone and pretend it is vibrating, she walks away)

Example #2...
"I really like that shirt"... I say, "It's only $15"...."I don't have any money just wanted to let you know it was cute"....


Now in response to number 1... I really don't care what type of computer you have.. I could also care less that you want to talk to me... unless you are buying me a drink or serving me a drink.. I do not want to talk to you..I especially don't want to talk to you about your computer...I have an 80GB iPod, can we discuss that too?

Now in response to number 2... If you don't have money, I don't care what you think..nor will I be nice to you...shut the fuck up and take the greyhound bus back home so you can go flip burgers in the morning.. (you mom should have had an abortion)

this is lame

somehow bayside and valencia summed up the world for me, this is lame i know..but fuck you.

"I hate myself,
more than I ever let on.
I'm burned out at 22.
I lived too fast and I loved too much and I'll die too young,
but I chose this cup that I drank from.
Knew what I was getting into.
But I couldn't let out what I had to keep in.
I'm ashamed of myself and unspeakable sins,"


"I get a little down on my self.
But when you came around
The world felt new
I opened up my eyes to the light
And I saw deep inside of a love that was true"

Did you ever realize...

Did you ever realize what you want to do with your life?
Did you ever realize that a lot of people you know are full of shit?
Did you ever realize the people that matter to you and you can trust?
Did you ever realize you might live in the wrong Country?
Did you ever realize that things could be alot different depending on the mileage?
Did you ever realize that you fucked up love by things out of your control?
Did you ever realize that there are a few things that make you happy and half of them are happening but the rest is a long way away?
Did you ever realize that if you had done that ONE thing different that a completely different avalanche would have happened?
Did you ever realize that the "true believers" even if they are broke are better off then the fake ones who are doing a 9-5, 401k, with benefits?
Did you ever realize that random issues have destroyed your life and held you back?
Did you ever realize that the one decision you will make will change a lot?
Did you ever realize that you are lost with someone so far away?
Did you ever realize that you are just wasting away before you die?

i hope you rofl or at least lol, or maybe even lmao

I'm sitting at this wild venue in Salt Lake City, Utah. It reminds of a place that the Lost Boys would live in from Peter Pan. The layout of this land goes, the venue which is reminiscent of an old little punk venue. Then you go outside to a grassy knoll where there is a snack shack, serving such classic refreshments such as Coke, Diet Coke, Water, Hot Chocolate, and Instant Coffee. Adjacent to the snack shack there is a fire pit, where you can sit there by the fire. If you are bored by the fire you can walk across the knoll and walk into the merch room which is basically a small rectangle building that has no heat, a broken window, and two doors that won't close...but because it is so nippy in here they have supplied us lads with a plug in heater, granted the heater is roughly the size of a shoe box and barely heats, but hey it's the thought that counts.

Last night we were supposed to do this house party show since it was an off day, they were going to supply beer, food, and lodging. When we got there Josh and I ran errands. Since I am not allowed to drive the van, I had to have my driver Josh drive around to exchange all them Australian dollars, get oil change, open band bank account, and basically be badass. After that we had a lovely lunch consisting of potatoes and rolls, and some beef for those carnivores. Set up the gear and cops came during the "sound check" so playing music was not allowed but instead we had lovely beer pong matches, Mark Fray Fan Club (Josh and I), went 4-1, the last game we also lost but we will not count that due to the fact Shaq was basically playing against us..after a lot of drinks I had a long phone call about life, and things are insane, and what is going to be taking place in my life is insane. Being highly intoxicated after the phone call I thought about it all and lost my mind and went to town on myself, and now have some battle wounds, but whatever it heals and shit happens. I'm not upset today, just one of those random freak outs..

Now currently there is a girl crying in here because during Fight Fair's set they covered New Found Glory, and some girl sang in the mic. She did not really have to vocal power of Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend got mad and dumped her because she was a fool. She lives with him and now has to go get her dog, I felt bad about asking her if she was interested in buying something so instead I played a little Doctor Phil and then pretended my phone would ring so she would shut up....Life is grand, life is interesting...

Oh and we are making smores on merch lights...

About a month and a half ago I was in Gillette, New Jersey..
A week ago I was in Australia..
Right now I am in Tacoma, Washington..

Tour overall has been pretty good, some smaller shows here or there, but defiantly turning out new fans which is key...

I got to touch a kangaroo and koala, that's badass.

There's been these couple ideas in rotating in my head that I am going to act upon, no real details need to be said but it will involve changes of scenery and way of my life...who knows let's take a risk...

oh and I am going to write a record by a group called Happiness Brigade, and it will offend you.

a picture is worth a thousand words...