LISTEN

Please listen to the Zac Brown Band, they are fantastic.

I recommend:
Where the Boat Leaves From
&
Chicken Fried

I feel like I've been treading water for the past couple of months, dare I say year. I've experienced and seen a good amount of things in my 23 years of living. But it's time for change, time to make something new. I was in Nashville for about 5 days and it was one of the most invigorating times of my life, granted I was super drunk the whole time but that didn't matter. It was a place with good people, good people who were enjoying life, good people who were enjoying listening/playing music. It felt good, I felt like things made sense. I am back now in a state I love and it doesn't make sense. I can't find bands to tour with anymore, frankly I am tired of promoting/helping other people's bands, it's a cocktease. And when the end of the day comes, you are forgotten about, you're a payroll, just another name, just another person doing something another person could do. There is nothing that makes you a person. Sure I made some good friends and it's been enjoyable but it's time to do something that's mine.
Within the past year a couple of my best friends have moved away from New Jersey, I don't see them anymore, it makes me more sad then anything else. A few more are also moving away in the upcoming months, again it can bring me to the verge of tears. I can't control it though, people move, friends go away, some remain, some don't. I can't handle it though.

I don't know what to do about anything, it's not a good feeling.
I don't know where I'm headed, I'm numb.
I'm 23 and all I have are stories, as interesting as they may be, they don't mean shit. This isn't about money either, it's about having happiness, and I don't know what will allow me to have it.

I have some dreams sometime of me killing myself/dying/or dead(as weird as that sounds). I like these dreams, sometimes it feels that death is the greatest adventure to take.

I'm going to look at jobs in Nashville, if I can't find a good one there. I'll go on another adventure.

Nashville, TN

Nashville, TN is one of the most amazing places I have ever been to. I was never a big fan of country music but I am enjoying it alot. Any bar you walk into there is live music playing, they don't charge a cover for the bars either, the artists work on tips. They are playing music because they enjoy it. The other night we were at this bar called Tootsies and there was a big country singer there drinking, his name is Tracy Byrd. He got up and played a couple songs and then continued drinking. It was great.
We are staying at Billy's uncles house, his name is Diamond Jim. He used to be the premier bartender in Nashville but since has retired. He wears polos that match his sunglasses, aka when he wears an orange polo he wears orange sunglasses, blue polo blue sunglasses etc. He is classic, anything you say he just responds "I don't give a fuck" Everyone paid for me to get him tattooed on my leg, and I did and it is badass.

this isn't who i am.....

I can't handle any of this anymore. Am I really blogging at a bar right now? Oh yea, yea I am... I have had luck with girls in my life, but I am not down with picking up girls at bars...I find it beat street....can't I hang out with friends and not have to worry about playing wingman or some bullshit. The past 5 days I have been called a faggot 4 times...now I think about this... It shoudnt bother me right? Well sadly it does. I realize I am better then these people but still..What happened where people are just calling random people a faggot because they look different...and then i think..what is it like for an actualy homosexual to go to a bar that I have been called a faggot at...It must be horrible and that makes me so sad. Do these sme people see a black person and say nigger... I hope they dont...the horrendousness of people make me sad...I can't deal with this. This isn't my life, I don't want to be in a world like this. It's not about being politically correct either..it is about have some form of respect for your fellow man..I don't hurt myself cause I am miserable.. I hurt myself cause this world is horrible...Iwould like to rsvp out of this life..let me wake up in the morning to a wife and kids.....

ps...sorry about the spelling and punctuation i can' type on a phone

i'm sinking like a stone in the sea.

Read: Drunkard by Neil Steinberg

Walk: Through Asbury Park.

Listen: Brand New - Deja Entendu

Don't: be suprised with what I do.

What are the lives that we choose to lead? I can't sleep right now, it's not because I'm not tired cause Lord knows I could use a solid night. Illegal feel good things are keeping me up. My heart is beating hard, it scares me but the feeling that these things give me make it all worthwhile.

I'm on a road, I don't know where it's going at all. I might have missed my exit a long time ago but I'm staying on it hoping I see the right sign. I can't keep up with this routine anymore, but I can't get away from it. I'm trapped give me the u turn.

I know what I need, I can't get it, it's unreachable.

Just give me something, anything please.

For the past 3 days I've had pizza when I woke up in the morning and that is pretty fucking badass.


The Steve Wilkos show is the most horrendous thing on television, please don't watch it.

"The Souls have taught me how to love the music,
sadly to a generation that's confusing."

12

1. Sailor Jerry's is an amazing alcohol. It is delicious and badass.

2. I made pizza this morning on an English Muffin, I did not realize I spilled a whole mess of grated cheese in the stove burner. Needless to say when my "roommate" used the stove at a later time, it was a melted disaster.

3. Tom and I finally accomplished our Brunch Date in NYC, 13.95 for breakfast and unlimited mimosa's until 4pm = badass. We only drank until 2 and 11 Mimosa's later it was a good day.

4. I went to Red Bank the other night and hung out with Brent and Nick B. Both of them are two close homey's and it is always good times (even though Brent likes Phil Collins)

5. I drink way to much coffee and red bull throughout the day.

6. I bought Season 2 of Carnivale on DVD and it is fantastic. The show is only two seasons long but it is a brilliant show. I wish I had watched it when it was on television.

7. I bought some books at the bookstore today and am pretty stoked to read them.

8. The Dear Hunter - Act III Life and Death is an amazing album

9. I saw the Hangover and it was hilarious, like everyone has been saying.

10. I bought an amazing John Lennon poster (pictured below), but I don't have any room on my walls haha, it might be time for my Shaq poster to come down or maybe the yankees one. =(


11. Cherry italian ice is badass.

12. Don't let your talent go to waste.

FYI

This has been a long time coming, every time I come to the conclusion of what I have to do I sell out and do what I don't want to do. This means.. I keep deciding that I need to not hang out with a lot of people, but then I'm like yea dude I'll go drink or blah blah. It's nothing personal to these people, but we are not on the same page anymore, I've grown apart and don't want to be back in your scene. It was fun times but we are no longer friends please don't invite me to hang out anymore...


Oh and get this album: The Dear Hunter - Act III Life and Death it's phenomenal

this is me being vague

I have a thing in me where loyalty means everything. When I see that getting destroyed I move on. I have been really bummed recently, trying to figure things out. I have some best friends who allow me to see them everyday, and we stick together. But I feel that one has lost it, and I am not okay with ignoring it anymore. It's time I move on, I don't want to, but I have to. I love them to death but I can't do something where I sacrifice alot to have someone pull stunts. It hurts alot, but it's time. I can't keep watching a friend of mine disappear, I have to go.