I feel like I've been treading water for the past couple of months, dare I say year. I've experienced and seen a good amount of things in my 23 years of living. But it's time for change, time to make something new. I was in Nashville for about 5 days and it was one of the most invigorating times of my life, granted I was super drunk the whole time but that didn't matter. It was a place with good people, good people who were enjoying life, good people who were enjoying listening/playing music. It felt good, I felt like things made sense. I am back now in a state I love and it doesn't make sense. I can't find bands to tour with anymore, frankly I am tired of promoting/helping other people's bands, it's a cocktease. And when the end of the day comes, you are forgotten about, you're a payroll, just another name, just another person doing something another person could do. There is nothing that makes you a person. Sure I made some good friends and it's been enjoyable but it's time to do something that's mine.
Within the past year a couple of my best friends have moved away from New Jersey, I don't see them anymore, it makes me more sad then anything else. A few more are also moving away in the upcoming months, again it can bring me to the verge of tears. I can't control it though, people move, friends go away, some remain, some don't. I can't handle it though.

I don't know what to do about anything, it's not a good feeling.
I don't know where I'm headed, I'm numb.
I'm 23 and all I have are stories, as interesting as they may be, they don't mean shit. This isn't about money either, it's about having happiness, and I don't know what will allow me to have it.

I have some dreams sometime of me killing myself/dying/or dead(as weird as that sounds). I like these dreams, sometimes it feels that death is the greatest adventure to take.

I'm going to look at jobs in Nashville, if I can't find a good one there. I'll go on another adventure.