The Mom - she sits in my Music and Culture class and feels the need to agree with everything. She also believes that she has to nod her head after every comment, and nod it like a bobblehead set loose and that she can not speak at a normal volume but needs to talk loud and look around when doing so to make sure everyone is agreeing. She also knows that when a teacher makes a comment that is supposed to be funny, it is very appropriate to laugh like a hyena. Her comment today was about in response to the question posed if music can be used for evil: "Just look at Marilyn Manson and what he did to the Columbine Kids"...I'm passive in class and normally ignore every stupid comment but this set me off, I informed her that he is making art and does not matter how vulgar it is, he is putting out questions that need to be self analyzed etc etc. She then got mad and said that he was responsible...end of statement. I bet her kids love life...
The Kid with the noisy nose - Listen everyone now and again gets their nose all stuffy or it does that weird whistling thing, but this kid sounds like his sinuses are permenantly glued shut and he has a trumpet up there. It got to the point where I just sat there listening and getting progressively more angry. I couldn't listen to anything else or get it out of my mind it was insane. If you can not breathe open your other orfice aka your mouth and use that.
All the people who get confused with a syllabus... these questions have all been posed in the past week:
"Now this says on 3/14 there is a presentation for one of the groups, does that mean they are going on that day or they should start working on the assignment"
"On the day you show the videos for our project do we actually have to attend class"
"You say that if you come late all the time you will start lowering grade, I am never on time can I be an exception" Teacher: "Where do you live" Student : "I live in the CPAs, but I always wind up running late", he said this after showing up 30 minutes late...
"Do you think she'll (meaning the teacher), mind if I have my iPod on during class I don't feel like listening"
I feel like I somehow entered a special ed school instead of my last college semester.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
don't lose touch...
Every so often I fall into these horrible bouts of like a mix between depression, pyscho-ness, self doubt, and just nothing that makes me who I am. It always happens with like seasons changing and stuff it's weird or when I get a completly different change of scenery. Like I was all good and during break I fell and fell hard into that mindset and it's bad. I've been like that up until right this moment actually. It was like a right song, a right friend I just saw, and a right mindset and it all hit.
I need to remind myself when I get like this who I am and where I've been.
Getting into my own mind and fucking with it is not cool nor is it attractive. I've done alot and I need to not get myself down about nothing. I can't have pretend and make myself have stupid self doubt and just become a mess, I need to realize that I am Nick Joyce and I've hung out with my heroes, Matt Skiba, and they loved me, I've had plenty of high up people suicide girls etc, I've had alot of fun. And I've done all that when I feel good.
I'm feeling good now. There's no point in getting down and being crazy talker to everyone I know, thats not my deal.
I'm good. I feel great. I'm happy.
Nick Joyce 2.0 starting now.
I need to remind myself when I get like this who I am and where I've been.
Getting into my own mind and fucking with it is not cool nor is it attractive. I've done alot and I need to not get myself down about nothing. I can't have pretend and make myself have stupid self doubt and just become a mess, I need to realize that I am Nick Joyce and I've hung out with my heroes, Matt Skiba, and they loved me, I've had plenty of high up people suicide girls etc, I've had alot of fun. And I've done all that when I feel good.
I'm feeling good now. There's no point in getting down and being crazy talker to everyone I know, thats not my deal.
I'm good. I feel great. I'm happy.
Nick Joyce 2.0 starting now.
is it in me to put the bottle down
I have the most self destructive personality I know.
It's not even if things are going good or bad, I always try to shoot myself down a notch.
arg.
It's not even if things are going good or bad, I always try to shoot myself down a notch.
arg.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
in past two nights..
I've been to two different bars and wound up rediculous.
The first night they refused to serve me cause I was to drunk, i spilled everywhere, we had 9 people in the car, 3 of which fled when we were stopped and cops came, amoung other things...
Last night resulted in this bill that I woke up with:
6 Southern Comfort
1 Coors Light
1 Miller Light
1 Coors Pitcher
7 Rumpleminz
15 Red Headed SLuts
=
$157.33
I don't remember anything but from what I've heard I was just being a prick.
whoops.
The first night they refused to serve me cause I was to drunk, i spilled everywhere, we had 9 people in the car, 3 of which fled when we were stopped and cops came, amoung other things...
Last night resulted in this bill that I woke up with:
6 Southern Comfort
1 Coors Light
1 Miller Light
1 Coors Pitcher
7 Rumpleminz
15 Red Headed SLuts
=
$157.33
I don't remember anything but from what I've heard I was just being a prick.
whoops.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
last night
at one of the bars we went to there was a group of men who looked like those pictured above, except they had a little more muscle and had a little heavier fake tan... they ordered jagrbombs and kept doing them, the one guy didn't want to do one, but the others encouraged saying do the fuckin jagrbomb bro.
i wish i was kidding.
sadly i'm not.
top 3 people i've been compared to looking like in the past month...
Buddy from Senses Fail
Mark McGrath
Pete Wentz
I really don't see it at all. People are just morons end of story.
Mark McGrath
Pete Wentz
I really don't see it at all. People are just morons end of story.
this isn't who I am..
I have problems. I have alot of issues. Everything someone has gone through or experienced impacts them even if they don't realize it, these then become direct contributions to the type of person we are today. I'm a huge contradiction in every shape and form. There's so many things that have happened good and bad that have made me a mess in my own head. I think things over and over in my mind and then analyze that and the decision that comes from that I reanalyze, it becomes a vicious cycle that I endure daily in mind.
I'm super confident in myself but then I do something weird in my mind where I take that confidence and say I'm a fool and I become a little boy. It doesn't make sense to anyone, nor should it and nor do I really care. I have this sick guard that I put up, I've been hurt alot but know why and refuse to put myself in that position.
I think to myself why is there a sudden change in this conversation pattern or make myself believe something is up. Then I make up conclusions in my mind and convince myself they are real. The fact of the matter is I've hurt myself more then anyone ever has, anything that has been done to me I convince myself is whatever and then I fuck myself in the head. This is a ramble that should not make coherent sense to anyone but me..
I play parts that I know will get me in good, I know what needs to be said or done and then I do it, when I do things the right way though it's a mess.
I put myself in the form of songs all the time, I become that person who regulates their thought because of the song. I find myself all the time coming to certain albums that get me.
I get tattoos to remind me of things and that are a map of who I am and where I've been...
I have the state of New Jersey done to remind me of home and the place I'm from with the lyrics around it because of Keith and his impact he had on me, taking me on tour and showing me beauty in destruction. I have two AFI tattoos because they were mine, they gave me ideas and opened my eyes, helped me through all and let me discover myself. Alkaline Trio for the same reason and because of memories. The Bouncing Souls heart for what they did and also cause I wear my hear on my sleeve way to much and its always cracked, right next to it is a drama magnet because that is what has done it to me, I need to remind myself to look out. The bayside bird for same said reasons. And a razor blade slicing my writs for reasons you don't want to know.
I forever gave up eating animals not because it was trendy but because I don't think it's correct and I find the more I think about it the more disgust I have for humanity.
I'm tired of thinking things through to much and creating my own conclusions. I'm tired of believing that I found something great and its amazing and then all of a sudden just be let down. I'm tired of convincing myself things and going from a person who is full of confidence to a fucking insecure fool. I let myself do it to myself and it's a pain.
Sometimes I try to think about all the girls I've hooked up with and I can't remember them all but I get embarassed formyself cause it's so high. I've been good since August though and I'm not this permiscuous mess anymore. I find myself disgusted when girls throw themselves at me or people in general, have some respect for yourself, within the first 5 minutes of a conversation you should not be telling the other how you'll fuck them. I like the challenge of working towards it and then when it starts to happen I get disgutsted and don't want to speak to them. I like it when it's a two sided street where you work for it but at the same point its not something where you feel that you are harassing them. Personally I need clear clues and things said so I don't convince myself otherwise and just leave them alone. Thats what I'm doing right now and I think it's probably what is wanted.
I was at a bar the other night and it was crowded these girls were talking to me and my friend. I was already wanting to leave cause at the time I was content with what was going on in my life, they said something and I mentioned something about a book, the one responded with an I don't read just magazines, you're a fool and I hate that, I walked out not even attempting to be social. I get hit on alot and it feels good but I really don't care especially right now. I need to know what is really going on instead of making my own conclusions which I just came to.
This is a ramble but I don't really care. The vodka and tonic's have taken their toll and I'm going to try and smile now.
Don't judge me on this, I do that enough on my own. Don't be scared of me cause of this, I'm really not that big of a mess.
All in all I''m a fucking catch and a blast to know, or so I've convinced myself..
I hate myself, more than I ever let on.
I'm burned out at 22.
I lived too fast and I loved too much
and I'll die too young,
but I chose this cup that I drank from
.Knew what I was getting into.
But I couldn't let out what I had to keep in.
I'm ashamed of myself and unspeakable sins,
that I've committed and...
I'm super confident in myself but then I do something weird in my mind where I take that confidence and say I'm a fool and I become a little boy. It doesn't make sense to anyone, nor should it and nor do I really care. I have this sick guard that I put up, I've been hurt alot but know why and refuse to put myself in that position.
I think to myself why is there a sudden change in this conversation pattern or make myself believe something is up. Then I make up conclusions in my mind and convince myself they are real. The fact of the matter is I've hurt myself more then anyone ever has, anything that has been done to me I convince myself is whatever and then I fuck myself in the head. This is a ramble that should not make coherent sense to anyone but me..
I play parts that I know will get me in good, I know what needs to be said or done and then I do it, when I do things the right way though it's a mess.
I put myself in the form of songs all the time, I become that person who regulates their thought because of the song. I find myself all the time coming to certain albums that get me.
I get tattoos to remind me of things and that are a map of who I am and where I've been...
I have the state of New Jersey done to remind me of home and the place I'm from with the lyrics around it because of Keith and his impact he had on me, taking me on tour and showing me beauty in destruction. I have two AFI tattoos because they were mine, they gave me ideas and opened my eyes, helped me through all and let me discover myself. Alkaline Trio for the same reason and because of memories. The Bouncing Souls heart for what they did and also cause I wear my hear on my sleeve way to much and its always cracked, right next to it is a drama magnet because that is what has done it to me, I need to remind myself to look out. The bayside bird for same said reasons. And a razor blade slicing my writs for reasons you don't want to know.
I forever gave up eating animals not because it was trendy but because I don't think it's correct and I find the more I think about it the more disgust I have for humanity.
I'm tired of thinking things through to much and creating my own conclusions. I'm tired of believing that I found something great and its amazing and then all of a sudden just be let down. I'm tired of convincing myself things and going from a person who is full of confidence to a fucking insecure fool. I let myself do it to myself and it's a pain.
Sometimes I try to think about all the girls I've hooked up with and I can't remember them all but I get embarassed formyself cause it's so high. I've been good since August though and I'm not this permiscuous mess anymore. I find myself disgusted when girls throw themselves at me or people in general, have some respect for yourself, within the first 5 minutes of a conversation you should not be telling the other how you'll fuck them. I like the challenge of working towards it and then when it starts to happen I get disgutsted and don't want to speak to them. I like it when it's a two sided street where you work for it but at the same point its not something where you feel that you are harassing them. Personally I need clear clues and things said so I don't convince myself otherwise and just leave them alone. Thats what I'm doing right now and I think it's probably what is wanted.
I was at a bar the other night and it was crowded these girls were talking to me and my friend. I was already wanting to leave cause at the time I was content with what was going on in my life, they said something and I mentioned something about a book, the one responded with an I don't read just magazines, you're a fool and I hate that, I walked out not even attempting to be social. I get hit on alot and it feels good but I really don't care especially right now. I need to know what is really going on instead of making my own conclusions which I just came to.
This is a ramble but I don't really care. The vodka and tonic's have taken their toll and I'm going to try and smile now.
Don't judge me on this, I do that enough on my own. Don't be scared of me cause of this, I'm really not that big of a mess.
All in all I''m a fucking catch and a blast to know, or so I've convinced myself..
I hate myself, more than I ever let on.
I'm burned out at 22.
I lived too fast and I loved too much
and I'll die too young,
but I chose this cup that I drank from
.Knew what I was getting into.
But I couldn't let out what I had to keep in.
I'm ashamed of myself and unspeakable sins,
that I've committed and...
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
ramble ramble ramble
I have this whole thing in my head where I convince myself anything. I tend to always over analyze things, be over critical, or to introverted. Then because this is what I do I convince myself that this is how everyone is and everyone things the same way that I do. This then in turns gives me more problems that are in my own mind. It is a whole vicious cycle that I deal with daily.
I have this thing where within the first 5 minutes of seeing one, an interaction doesn't even have to take place I can size them up, like completly know their about me and know exactly how to talk to them for better or for worse. It's weird when I know just the right thing to say to get a reaction, this then contributes to me being a total prick alot of times because I know what buttons to push and what to say because I've realized about 90% of people that I have come into contact with are foolish and covering up. Myself included at times.....
I have this thing where within the first 5 minutes of seeing one, an interaction doesn't even have to take place I can size them up, like completly know their about me and know exactly how to talk to them for better or for worse. It's weird when I know just the right thing to say to get a reaction, this then contributes to me being a total prick alot of times because I know what buttons to push and what to say because I've realized about 90% of people that I have come into contact with are foolish and covering up. Myself included at times.....
sometimes
I get really drunk and wind up waking up the next morning with random stuff I bought. I just awoke, on the second mattress in my room, the guest one not my bed and laying next to me is a new polaroid camera all this polaroid film, and a picture of steve and i at cvs. I also vaguely remember breaking something and giving a waiter a 20 bill cause he just got out of jail and I felt bad....
Sometimes I'm a mess.
Sometimes I'm a mess.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
oh god 07
Some pictures I could find of things and people that made me happy in 07...
Seaside, NJ
John Hsunami!
Jeff Vier!!!
Don't drink and drive.
Brandon!
Sum 41 hahaha
Hey Mike's very own Steven!
Chandler.
Baron!
Bayside daily on Warped.
Tomato!
Matt Skiba and Trio!
First day on tour!
Hero Tour!
Dan Patterson!
Stew and Smee!
RIP sidekick 2 and daisy fuentes pants
This got me really excited
say what you want but it's fucking Weird AL
I <3 href="http://inlinethumb19.webshots.com/3282/2660782930067009412S600x600Q85.jpg">
My mom hates me for this pic.
Pickle Jar!
Gita! 
Seaside, NJ
John Hsunami!
Jeff Vier!!!
Don't drink and drive.
Yankee game 8 dollar drinks!
Brandon! Sum 41 hahaha Hey Mike's very own Steven!Hanging out everyday on warped tour with Keith =)!
Chandler. Baron! Bayside daily on Warped. Tomato! Matt Skiba and Trio!First day on tour! Hero Tour! Dan Patterson! Stew and Smee! RIP sidekick 2 and daisy fuentes pantsThis got me really excited say what you want but it's fucking Weird AL I <3 href="http://inlinethumb19.webshots.com/3282/2660782930067009412S600x600Q85.jpg">My mom hates me for this pic. Pickle Jar!Linnaea!
Gita! RIP AGC.
i accomplished alot and learned alot, 2008 there's alot in stored for you....
Jersey Glamour Clothing
Writing a cd the right way with TS
Just being happy
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