bye blogspot.

later gator.

http://nickjoyceruinedmylife.tumblr.com/

I'm tired, so very tired.
I just want to close my eyes...

home made care bears pillow case, = too badass.

You know those bands that have this huge mass appeal and everyone loves them, but you can't stand them at all.

Mine are:

The Smashing Pumpkins
Metallica

I'm sorry but those bands are horrendous.

fun. - Aim and Ignite

great album, it is the singer of the format...

oh and you can download it here ;)
http://www.mediafire.com/?bnuocm55y4t

I haven't seen this man in a little over a year, it is pretty sad. He moved to North Carolina and when I've been there he hasn't been able to make it to a show. We had some great times.
This one time....
...we made these smirnoff powerade drinks and got really drunk and fell asleep in the car outside in front of our apartment.
...he cooked maple flavored bacon and the whole place smelled for 2 weeks
...we got really drunk and started throwing mustard, sweet and sour sauce, ketchup, and everything else condiment wise at the walls, he was just upset because he didn't realize we had mustard until it was thrown
...the next morning after said mustard was thrown we were still drunk and tried to make cinnamon rolls but burned them and passed out in a closet while talking like old tyme people
...he passed out drunk on the toilet (completely naked), much to Jeff Vier, Mark, Jenn, and myself's dismay
...we went to Pub 17 and we got really drunk, I dropped a full beer on the dance floor and got cut off at a bro bar. On the way home he was throwing up so Theresa pulled over, cop pulled behind up behind us, 5 of the 8 people crammed in the car ran away. And he told the cops we were at Bar 17 in between throw ups
...we took a class together and I showed up for half the classes but still got the same grade as him
...we threw the Baron's Birthday Bash, filled a pinata up with condoms, starburst, marshmellows, and a can of tuna fish.
....for his birthday I got him a 50 and over porn magazine
...he got hit on by TJ
...Jeff Croissant, myself, and Geoff played heroes all day and drank all day
...he convinced me I was so wasted that I asked a very foul girl out, after I cried he said he was joking
...we drank steel reserves and just had a blast.

I need to go on a trip to North Carolina to visit him and his girlfriend soon.
The memories are so good.
Geoff aka The Baron = good.

I want to go to:
The museum
Veggie Heaven
Mini Golf
Hoboken
NYC
The Zoo...

come with?

"I and I"

A couple of days ago, I realized I lost control of my life. I went to Clifton with Tom to see the always amazing Joshua Starry. We had some shots and beer and went to the liquor store and got more drinks and arrived back and drank on his roof. Clifton has a lot of good memories for me and a lot of bad ones. I spent a good 5 days a week there for a year and a half making shitty music and hanging with band members who would slowly disappear. Sitting on the roof I looked at Tom and Josh and realized in a month it would be difficult for this to happen again. Tom is going to Seattle at the end of August and Josh is moving to Florida/Chicago in about two weeks. This gets me a little choked up and then I think of other people who were some of my close friends who disappeared and now I never see again. Change is the only constant and change is good but this is bad. Sitting on the roof being drunk, I saw the ground below me and it was beautiful. It looked like the perfect fall and the perfect way to go. Needless to say I got out of my head and the night eventually ended. The whole next day I kept thinking about this and what to do. At 3pm, I went to a Stevie B's house and for some reason we decided to drink. We drank a good amount of beers, he drove around walking dogs for 2 hours while we are drinking sailor jerry, we got back to his house and drank more. It comes to 8pm and a whole 30 is gone. I am now a complete and utter mess and can't handle anything, the more I kept thinking the more I knew it was time to die. We drive from Boundbrook to Gillette to go to Bartons, where we are there until 2am. Alot of it is a blur, but I know I was trying to score drugs, and convinced this was the night...

I just finished reading a book on spirits, aura, and inside well being. I came to a realization...

I've been attaching bad spirits on me, by having a self destructive personality. The more bad spirits that are attaching to me the worse things go. In order to get better you have to do visualization techniques and meditation, I know it sounds crazy but it really isn't. Maybe it's all fake and you are just believing in this so you can convince your mind that now you are better and then you act it, maybe it is real, i don't know.
All I know is having these past couple of days of leaving my body to see my spirit has allowed me to learn.
Everything I want is attainable, if I just throw myself out there it can happen, and it will happen if my soul is developed enough for it.

I know this makes me sound like a suicidal fuck who now is just plain crazy, but that's not it anymore. My mind is now calm. If I only see how bad this world is, that's all I am going to know...there is beauty all around me I just have to surround myself with good aura...

20 minutes of meditation in the morning, think in your head that there is this white wall in front of you where badness can't get through. It might help.

My full plan of attack starts on Monday, since the past few days have been about detoxing of the soul.
I'm ready.

If you haven't seen me in the past two weeks, you might want to. Lets experience beauty together.

"I and I, we're taking control of our lives
I and I, we're taking control of our lives
I and I, we're taking control of our lives
Everything's alright"

"I'm searching for an angel
shot down with broken wings
I see another harlot
muttering those deadly things
a girl for each wrist
and its always my mistake
this night i swear to god
you wont forget my name"

the first couple of lines to a song i am writing.

LISTEN

Please listen to the Zac Brown Band, they are fantastic.

I recommend:
Where the Boat Leaves From
&
Chicken Fried

I feel like I've been treading water for the past couple of months, dare I say year. I've experienced and seen a good amount of things in my 23 years of living. But it's time for change, time to make something new. I was in Nashville for about 5 days and it was one of the most invigorating times of my life, granted I was super drunk the whole time but that didn't matter. It was a place with good people, good people who were enjoying life, good people who were enjoying listening/playing music. It felt good, I felt like things made sense. I am back now in a state I love and it doesn't make sense. I can't find bands to tour with anymore, frankly I am tired of promoting/helping other people's bands, it's a cocktease. And when the end of the day comes, you are forgotten about, you're a payroll, just another name, just another person doing something another person could do. There is nothing that makes you a person. Sure I made some good friends and it's been enjoyable but it's time to do something that's mine.
Within the past year a couple of my best friends have moved away from New Jersey, I don't see them anymore, it makes me more sad then anything else. A few more are also moving away in the upcoming months, again it can bring me to the verge of tears. I can't control it though, people move, friends go away, some remain, some don't. I can't handle it though.

I don't know what to do about anything, it's not a good feeling.
I don't know where I'm headed, I'm numb.
I'm 23 and all I have are stories, as interesting as they may be, they don't mean shit. This isn't about money either, it's about having happiness, and I don't know what will allow me to have it.

I have some dreams sometime of me killing myself/dying/or dead(as weird as that sounds). I like these dreams, sometimes it feels that death is the greatest adventure to take.

I'm going to look at jobs in Nashville, if I can't find a good one there. I'll go on another adventure.

Nashville, TN

Nashville, TN is one of the most amazing places I have ever been to. I was never a big fan of country music but I am enjoying it alot. Any bar you walk into there is live music playing, they don't charge a cover for the bars either, the artists work on tips. They are playing music because they enjoy it. The other night we were at this bar called Tootsies and there was a big country singer there drinking, his name is Tracy Byrd. He got up and played a couple songs and then continued drinking. It was great.
We are staying at Billy's uncles house, his name is Diamond Jim. He used to be the premier bartender in Nashville but since has retired. He wears polos that match his sunglasses, aka when he wears an orange polo he wears orange sunglasses, blue polo blue sunglasses etc. He is classic, anything you say he just responds "I don't give a fuck" Everyone paid for me to get him tattooed on my leg, and I did and it is badass.

this isn't who i am.....

I can't handle any of this anymore. Am I really blogging at a bar right now? Oh yea, yea I am... I have had luck with girls in my life, but I am not down with picking up girls at bars...I find it beat street....can't I hang out with friends and not have to worry about playing wingman or some bullshit. The past 5 days I have been called a faggot 4 times...now I think about this... It shoudnt bother me right? Well sadly it does. I realize I am better then these people but still..What happened where people are just calling random people a faggot because they look different...and then i think..what is it like for an actualy homosexual to go to a bar that I have been called a faggot at...It must be horrible and that makes me so sad. Do these sme people see a black person and say nigger... I hope they dont...the horrendousness of people make me sad...I can't deal with this. This isn't my life, I don't want to be in a world like this. It's not about being politically correct either..it is about have some form of respect for your fellow man..I don't hurt myself cause I am miserable.. I hurt myself cause this world is horrible...Iwould like to rsvp out of this life..let me wake up in the morning to a wife and kids.....

ps...sorry about the spelling and punctuation i can' type on a phone

i'm sinking like a stone in the sea.

Read: Drunkard by Neil Steinberg

Walk: Through Asbury Park.

Listen: Brand New - Deja Entendu

Don't: be suprised with what I do.

What are the lives that we choose to lead? I can't sleep right now, it's not because I'm not tired cause Lord knows I could use a solid night. Illegal feel good things are keeping me up. My heart is beating hard, it scares me but the feeling that these things give me make it all worthwhile.

I'm on a road, I don't know where it's going at all. I might have missed my exit a long time ago but I'm staying on it hoping I see the right sign. I can't keep up with this routine anymore, but I can't get away from it. I'm trapped give me the u turn.

I know what I need, I can't get it, it's unreachable.

Just give me something, anything please.

For the past 3 days I've had pizza when I woke up in the morning and that is pretty fucking badass.


The Steve Wilkos show is the most horrendous thing on television, please don't watch it.

"The Souls have taught me how to love the music,
sadly to a generation that's confusing."

12

1. Sailor Jerry's is an amazing alcohol. It is delicious and badass.

2. I made pizza this morning on an English Muffin, I did not realize I spilled a whole mess of grated cheese in the stove burner. Needless to say when my "roommate" used the stove at a later time, it was a melted disaster.

3. Tom and I finally accomplished our Brunch Date in NYC, 13.95 for breakfast and unlimited mimosa's until 4pm = badass. We only drank until 2 and 11 Mimosa's later it was a good day.

4. I went to Red Bank the other night and hung out with Brent and Nick B. Both of them are two close homey's and it is always good times (even though Brent likes Phil Collins)

5. I drink way to much coffee and red bull throughout the day.

6. I bought Season 2 of Carnivale on DVD and it is fantastic. The show is only two seasons long but it is a brilliant show. I wish I had watched it when it was on television.

7. I bought some books at the bookstore today and am pretty stoked to read them.

8. The Dear Hunter - Act III Life and Death is an amazing album

9. I saw the Hangover and it was hilarious, like everyone has been saying.

10. I bought an amazing John Lennon poster (pictured below), but I don't have any room on my walls haha, it might be time for my Shaq poster to come down or maybe the yankees one. =(


11. Cherry italian ice is badass.

12. Don't let your talent go to waste.

FYI

This has been a long time coming, every time I come to the conclusion of what I have to do I sell out and do what I don't want to do. This means.. I keep deciding that I need to not hang out with a lot of people, but then I'm like yea dude I'll go drink or blah blah. It's nothing personal to these people, but we are not on the same page anymore, I've grown apart and don't want to be back in your scene. It was fun times but we are no longer friends please don't invite me to hang out anymore...


Oh and get this album: The Dear Hunter - Act III Life and Death it's phenomenal