mistakes we knew we were making.

In 3 days it is 2009.
Fresh slate, turning a new page, starting over..(not really)
Whatever the fuck happened to me in 2008 is going to follow me in 2009, it's true don't ignore it.
My resolution is not to finally take that vacation I've been planning, or stop drinking, or go to church.
It's to gain more and more experience in everything and just live. I'm not going to worry about curveballs thrown at me, I will deal with them and enjoy things. I will see some more of the world this year with some good people and I will make sure everyone there is happy and enjoying it.

2009 is about Good Company, Good Times, and Good Memories.
Let's do it up.

Christmas

I hate the holidays, I'm not a Grinch but they just bother me. I think it's because I don't enjoy family get togethers and hate people who put on all these fake smileys pretending that they are so happy to be there. But yea I'm not against presents especially ones that are badass. Such as..
Sick Books:


Where the Wild Things Are:


Some more where the wild things are keychains, a movie or two, gift cards, sick scarf. Oh and hulk gloves!
I'm just hanging around waiting to go back in the van and see America and such, can't wait. I've also become obsessed with Tiger Woods Golf for Gamecube, now if only I could not get 40 over par everytime that'd be sick.

My birthday is 10 days away (January 6th), gift certificates to the liquour store encouraged. Or find me a Living End tshirt in a medium, or just give me a hug.

I got me some new pantaloons. Red son, red. Flash gordon ain't got shit on me.

"He ate an orange and then googled the most successful way to kill yourself."

Cheat the System Son

Want to get a FREE All American Rejects t-shirt and 7' vinyl. Go to www.smartpunk.com go to free stuff and they have all the preorder things up. Go to the preorder for their new cd and it comes with a free tshirt and 7inch. Select your size and add it to the cart. But come on now, do you really feel like paying 19.99 for that, just download the cd they have money they don't need yours. So continue shopping just look at some other cd and then click view cart. Then you will see two things listed in your cart: the cd and the free with preorder tshirt and 7' vinyl. Remove the cd from your cart and BAM you have the tshirt and vinyl left...check out and you are not paying anything except for the $4.00 shipping. Even if you don't like them it still makes a good present. So for a shirt and vinyl you are paying 4 bucks, it's called cheating the system son.

This is not cool.

Doing metal horns is not cool. No matter how badass you think you are or metal or like yea bro this is ragin and I'm taking a picture with my homies. No. Metal horns do not work. Learn to pose. No more metal horns, who is with me?

this is happiness.

this is badass.

These two really nice girls from the UK made this for me. I'm international baby.

Thoughts on a Friday afternoon in Gillette, NJ

1. I spend basically all my money on alcohol.
2. My hair is longer then it has been in about 8 years.
3. I've owned this French Connection Blazer for about 3 years, and finally started wearing it. It's badass.
4. 30 Days of Night is a pretty gnarly movie.
5. The only movies that scare me are exorcism movies.
6. Due to me not liking family things and all that stuff, I did not attend thanksgiving and it was pretty fun not going.
7. In the past 2 weeks I've cleaned my room everyday, just arranging and rearranging things nonstop.
8. The Killers song "This is Your Life", is absolutly sick.
9. Getting really intoxicated and setting your boxers on fire (while wearing them) is not smart.
10. I finally had to do a 'stop', 'drop', and 'roll' the other day. It was interesting.
11. I'm addicted to Ebay, I keep selling things and getting paid through paypal, but then I use that balance to bid on stupid things. I don't need power ranger book ends. Whoops.
12. I need an oil change, 7,000 miles over and counting.
13. I wish Pizza was healthier and free so I could just live on it.
14. I hate Tequilla.
15. I really fucking hate tequilla.
16. I think I'm going to take acting lessons.
17. I have this weird scar that randomly showed up between my two fingers.
18. Coaching basketball is pretty fun.
19. If I don't do something I'm amazed by in time for my 25th birthday I'm going to kill myself.
20. Michael Jackson is so badass, it sucks he is a crazy.
21. I saw an AFI pillowcase on Ebay, I need it.
22. Every Time I Die kills it live.
23. I want In n Out grilled cheese really bad.
24. All I want to do is be in a van for the next couple months of my life.
25. My laptop is slowly dying, I need to get my mac really bad.
26. <3

this always makes me happy

frat boy 473 up, 277 down
any college age, needle-dick, weed-smoking asshole who attends college only to party and flunk out. may use roofies to rape women, and finds destroying the property of others an enjoyable passtime. recognizable by

1) caucasian ethinicity
2) sleeveless t-shirts
3) inane, misogynistic babble
4) the ginormous SUVs (usually F-150s or Suburbans) with jacked-up wheels they drive, especially with stereos blaring rap or metal
5) visors, especially if worn upside-down, backwards, or a savory combination of the two
6) excessive use of the word "faggot"
7) possession of 40 oz beers, cigarettes, marijuana, and/or beer kegs (full-size or pony). especially alcohol stolen from the local grocery store (see beer run).
8) membership in a fraternity. (optional)

rant.

I really get mad when people laugh and clap their hands. It's fucking lame. Especially when you are in a movie, who the fuck are you applauding THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU! If you are at a stand up comedy club then fine but if you are in a movie theater do not clap as you laugh. Also do not rock back and forth like you are Michael J Fox and do not look around to make sure people are laughing to and are in on the joke that was just said on the big screen that you can't miss, so if you are not in on the joke you are a fool.
Do not clap and laugh at a movie.

I was in Ithaca, NY yesterday and bought Michael Jackson's Thriller on Vinyl, its to badass.

Internet Tough Guys

STELLAR988 (7:02:28 PM): christina has a bf dnt talk 2 her
daygreen99 (7:03:56 PM): WHAT
daygreen99 (7:03:58 PM): what
STELLAR988 (7:04:50 PM): christina has a bf so I'd appreciate it if u delted this sn
daygreen99 (7:05:21 PM): yer the one im'ing me there buddy
STELLAR988 (7:05:43 PM): I'm just letting ukno
STELLAR988 (7:05:50 PM): delte this sn
daygreen99 (7:05:54 PM): or what
STELLAR988 (7:07:21 PM): u really dnt want problems
STELLAR988 (7:07:39 PM): come 2 christinas if u waanna see the or what
daygreen99 (7:08:30 PM): 1. i don't talk to her
2. i dont even remember where she lives
3. don't try and be big on the interenet or anything like that, cause that doesn't work. i'm stronger and faster then you could ever imagine
daygreen99 (7:08:58 PM): so you go your way and dont im me and i think things will be pretty ok then
STELLAR988 (7:09:19 PM): hahaha
STELLAR988 (7:09:28 PM): how would ukno if uve never seen me
STELLAR988 (7:09:36 PM): cmon
STELLAR988 (7:09:45 PM): like is education not a big thing u u
daygreen99 (7:09:51 PM): i don't need to know, i just know what im capable of.
STELLAR988 (7:09:52 PM): or do u lack common sense
STELLAR988 (7:10:12 PM): ye
STELLAR988 (7:10:22 PM): and ikno what my guns cappable of
daygreen99 (7:10:22 PM): you're talking about education and you have the worst grammer skills ever, i don't realy see what the point in you talking to me is
STELLAR988 (7:10:28 PM): fuck off
daygreen99 (7:10:33 PM): hahahah oh you're priceless
daygreen99 (7:10:38 PM): then dont im me and we will be fine

come on, is trying to be big on the internet still popular? cause last time I checked i can back everything up.

fml

Got back from the Uk. It was really good times. You Me at Six were really great guys. For a two week tour it was great how fast everyone became friends. I really liked the UK and would not mind living in some area of it at some point in time. I discovered the amazingness of Cheese and Onion sandwiches which are a truly delicious treat.
I came home and slept alot and two days later left for a two week tour which I'm currently on. Hopefully we will finish the tour but who knows it is a very interesting tour.
I like being gone for good amounts of time from home and seeing all different places, I wouldn't trade it for the world, though at times it gets annoying representing another persons band and not doing my own band again. I don't like missing my friends that much but for the most part I can deal.

It's only 2:33 here and Eric and I are already sipping on some vodka to deal. I need to figure out other aspects of life real fast though. Putting on a happy face only goes so far when you are really a mess about a lot of things inside. I can keep going and saying jokes and being sarcastic and ignoring everything so no one knows that there are some actual problems inside with Nick Joyce but let's be real I have to figure out some stuff.

I saw Zach and Miri make a porno before I left and for some reason some parts in it made me think about some things. That and all other things.

Obama won the election and I really believe that something good will happen. I think it is a changing of the tides and that the youth is starting to pay attention. I obviously am in the youth grouping but it seems other youth are taking notice and trying to make a difference. Hopefully finally racism, homophobia, and ignorance in the homeland, will change. We shall see.

I'm off to get more buzzed. Bye.

wouldn't you want this on your wall

Is it bad I love Fall Out Boy?

I went to the doctor the other day and got diagnosed with a.d.d, anxiety, and a level 2 bipolar disorder. Shits comedy right?

Riding Dirty

We used to be best friends, but it fell apart. All blame on me. I miss his sillyness and heart to hearts aot.




I hope you find the world my friend.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation.

Tour

Tour so far has been really fucking badass.

Making some sick friends and learning some stuff yo.

My memory card is stuck in my computer so i cant take pictures, unless I figure out how to jimmy it out, fuck my life.

Highlights coming soon...

check out this band though..

www.myspace.com/thecoverup

I'm going on tour

I'm going out with Houston Calls. Also playing is A Change of Pace and We Shot the Moon, and of course countless amazing local bands...

Jun 25 2008 6:00P
Bring the Music! Festival @ U-Sell Flea Market Vineland, New Jersey
Jun 27 2008 6:00P
Mojoe’s Rock House Tinley Park, Illinois
Jun 28 2008 6:00P
Club UR Saint Louis, Missouri
Jun 29 2008 6:00P
King of Clubs Claremore, Oklahoma
Jun 30 2008 6:00P
Warehouse Live Houston, Texas
Jul 1 2008 6:00P
Red Eyed Fly Austin, Texas
Jul 2 2008 6:00P
Hurricanes The Bar Brownsville, Texas
Jul 3 2008 6:00P
South Texas College McAllen, Texas
Jul 5 2008 6:00P
The Plano Centre Plano, Texas
Jul 9 2008 6:00P
The Ozone Albuquerque, New Mexico
Jul 11 2008 6:00P
Venue of Scottsdale Phoenix, Arizona
Jul 14 2008 6:00P
Soma San Diego, California
Jul 15 2008 6:00P
Key Club Los Angeles, California
Jul 16 2008 6:00P
Chain Reaction Anaheim, California
Jul 17 2008 6:00P
The Exit Fresno, California
Jul 18 2008 6:00P
San Jose Skate San Jose, California
Jul 19 2008 6:00P
The Boardwalk Orangevale, California
Jul 21 2008 6:00P
Rock N Roll Pizza Portland, Oregon
Jul 22 2008 6:00P
El Corazon Seattle, Washington
Jul 23 2008 6:00P
The Grange Clarkston, Washington
Jul 24 2008 6:00P
The Venue Boise, Idaho
Jul 26 2008 6:00P
The Circuit Midvale, Utah
Jul 27 2008 6:00P
The Black Sheep Colorado Springs, Colorado
Jul 28 2008 6:00P
Marquis Theater Denver, Colorado
Jul 30 2008 6:00P
Club Roxbury Omaha, Nebraska
Jul 31 2008 6:00P
The Picador Iowa City, Iowa
Aug 1 2008 6:00P
Hartland Performing Arts Center Howell, Michigan
Aug 2 2008 12:00P
Birch Run Expo Center Birch Run, Michigan
Aug 3 2008 6:00P
The Pike Room Pontiac, Michigan
Aug 6 2008 6:00P
Skully’s Music Diner Columbus, Ohio
Aug 7 2008 6:00P
Musica Akron, Ohio
Aug 8 2008 6:00P
Xtreme Wheelz Buffalo, New York
Aug 9 2008 6:00P
Civic League Auditorium Framingham, Massachusetts
Aug 10 2008 6:00P
Blender Theater @ Gramercy New York, New York
Aug 14 2008 6:00P
Jammin Java Vienna, Virginia
Aug 15 2008 6:00P
Harmony Grange Wilmington, Delaware
Aug 16 2008 6:00P
School of Rock South Hackensack, New Jersey

Harding Township is the worst place ever. I've been in cars pulled over there all the time and there never is a legit reason.
Last night on my drive home from Nicole's I was drving through lovely Harding Township. At the light I turned right, the cop was at the red side of the light trying to go straight. After I turned passed him I saw him go on red and start to turn around. Though he wasn't behind me I thought oh maybe he just turned around to sit on the side of the road. Then all of a sudden, wam bam he is behind me. Doing the cat and mouse thing where they get right behind you and then let you go and make room then they get behind you again. Now I have had not one drink tonight I was going the exact speed limit so there is nothing this cop can get me for. As I'm about to leave his town he pulls me over. Upon asking me for my license and where I'm heading he informs me that the little light ubove my license plate is out. Now first of all I have two little lights above it so if one is out then you can still see my plate and it is not a big deal. I say wow I didn't know that do you mind if I look and he didn't seem to happy. Upon getting out of my car I walk to the back and there is not light out, he says oh you must have a short because it was out before, but I also pulled you over cause it looked like you hit the yellow line and I wanted to make sure everything was ok. So basically it's all bullshit and he followed me and couldn't find a reason to pull me over so he made one up and got caught. He then shines his light on my tattoos an has me explain what they are. Apparently having Edgar Allen Poe on my arm could make me part of some crazy gang. He then sees TS' exhaust in my backseat and I haveto explain that and he checks to make sure my front windows aren't tinted. Just trying really hard to get me.Hes going to run my stuff but instead talks to the other cop who arrived behind my car. He comes back and tells me I can go, I say he still has my stuff and he says whoops it was in my back pocket. And then he tells me to go get that light fixed and be good.

Harding Township - a place where you can feel safe because god knows I hate being behind a car that has a light that may or may not have a short over their licence plate. Don't worry. The police will take care of it.

You can't wait for things to happen, or fucking bum around wishing to do things. With that being said I'm taking care of some big things.
Be prepared it's going to take off.


This is the jumpoff

this is sad

I was just on myspace and was randomy clicking around on things. I clicked on some girls profile and noticed she had not logged in since September. I started reading her comments and it was all "i miss you" "you are in a better place now" etc... I went through a couple of pages. It was so crazy. It's like September 9th a comment from someone saying Yes this wekeend we need to hang out. Then a day later the comments come in saying how she can get through it, i heard what happened you are so strong I know you will make it. Then a couple day later people saying how she is in a better place. It is really sad and I really wanted to email one of the people and ask what happened but I figured it would not be appropriate. But it's crazy to think that a myspace page could be a memorial of sorts, and in a ways you can always see her and everything. It's crazy, sad, and interesting.

yeaaaa.

Is it bad that I currently am really excited that I set up wireless in my house and I can sit in my lovely gold chair in my room and facebook people?

I graduated college.
Look out world.

Is it bad that I got really excited right now, because I got my 100th positive feedback on ebay.

drunk talk

I had an hour discussion about cocaine with some guy who was giving out free cigarettes at the bar last night.

just in case you were wondering.

hey ladies, my name is nick joyce, i'm pretty sure you've heard of me

I'm pretty fucking cute...
from message boards from the other weekend when I was doing merch...

"I bought the CD because the one guy who was at the table with short black hair was pretty hot.

I'm pleased that I actually enjoyed the music after listening to it and didn't make an impulsive sexist purchase, or did I? hahaha."

and then another person...

"Yes!! I definitely agree with you on him being hot! I went and bought a shirt from him. His name is Nick, I think."


http://www.tekkoshocon.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=139769&sid=62809a6dace4667f4671521fdbd18b9f

It's currently 5:52 am. John and I drank roughly 3/4 a bottle of Everclear. I had my fristr taste of Couvessier tonight, I really have no idea how to spell it. I just ate a hash brown. I'm so fucking drunk I can barely type but I don't want to sleep. Blondie is playing a show in end of May, I really want to go. I don't let myself get down anymore there's alot of good things around. I like Dr. Pepper. I spent an hour and a half trying to find Brent tonight cause he took my lighter. I'm really over cigarettes. I don't want to grow up I'm a toys r us kid. I saw someone tonight. I smiled tonight. My apartment consists of people living on our floor, I like it that way. I want to get a new tattoo. I walked into this one party tonight and someone was saying, "Oh that's Nick Joyce"..I kinda like that, I kinda hate that... I'm pretty fucking infamous.

I have a serious crush on Rachel Ray.

Impressions I leave..

There was this rather portly girl who sat next to me and Kevin last semester. After 4 classes she went MIA for the rest of the semester. Kevin was sitting in some lounge the other day and she walked in and was like "I had a class with you last semester, I sat next to you and your friend. You guys always stank like alcohol."

Moral of the story, I need to drink more.

On January 6, 1986. The day I was born this was the number one song in the country..

Lionel Richie - "Say You, Say Me"

clearly I'm meant for greatness.

Tomato Sauce

I have a weird obsession with tomato sauce, I basically put it on anything. When I get really drunk I take a couple of spoonfuls of it from the jar. It's delicious.

Now what confuses me is I can't stand ketchup, like for reals. If it touches me I freak out. It's basically the same thing as tomato sauce, except tomato sauce is delicious ketchup is for fools.

You so just wasted 30 seconds reading this.

Frat Boy 101

Cool things to play at a bar if you like muscle milk, as witnessed last night.

Nickelback - Rockstar
3 Days Grace - I hate everything about you
a couple others that i cant remember too...

make sure though when you are playing the songs you play darts with your homies and air guitar a drum breakdown.
High five the bro to your right and nod your head like 'yea im the shit'.

if you do this you will be one of the bro's

This is not me being an asshole...

julieboolie 2 23: hey whats ur deal?
daygreen99: i dont have one?
julieboolie 2 23: why did u tell kyle u dont wanna be in the wedding?
daygreen99: cause i didnt feel up to being in the groom party
julieboolie 2 23: yea, it interferes too much with ur partying right?
daygreen99: no i have a busy schedule as it is and that's not something that's easily fit in
julieboolie 2 23: well you know we will both be better off without ur bullshit any way, i knew u were a terrible friend from day one
daygreen99: yea i'm a horrible horrible person. there's no point in even having this talk so let's just let this be.
julieboolie 2 23: no problem, have a good life, dont kill urself drinking
daygreen99: thanks for the heads up ill keep that in mind... so i guess im not invited to the reception
julieboolie 2 23: not after that shannigans, kyle was counting on u
daygreen99: ok just making sure so i don't have to go to bed bath and beyond to get a bridal registry
daygreen99: i even had a date planned, lunch box said he'd come
julieboolie 2 23: thats probably a good idea seeing that im not registered at bed bath and beyond
julieboolie 2 23: i think u need to have a long talk with kyle he deserves an appology, that is the least u can do
julieboolie 2 23: and please, that is the LAST person i want at my wedding
daygreen99: exactly'
julieboolie 2 23: whatever, it is definitely not my loss
daygreen99: same here
julieboolie 2 23: ur a waste of time
daygreen99: yea i suppose. ill let you go now. you guys have a jolly time

The story: Kyle used to play in a band I was in. We were best friends, the band basically consisted of him and me doing everything. He wrote the music, I booked all the shows wrote all the lyrics etc. We hung out daily, and I mean daily. Me and his other best friend Lunch Box one time went to Wildwood for a couple of days and drank everclear nonstop and had emotional times. Lunchbox and I stood by Kyle all the time when he was upset we never left him and we always played wingmen. All of a sudden the band started doing good, we were playing shows with signed bands getting mad plays, and got an email from a fairly good indie label who has housed many of the bands you are listening to now, can we say Panic at the disco, gym class heroes, etc. I contact Kyle, but oh wait for 3 weeks prior he started hanging out with this new girl. She took over his life, she was a "trained" singer who loved country and convinced him how horrible I was and the rest of the band was. And you know its a waste of time etc. I never said I was anything special but the big thing was we had gnarly shows, gnarly looks and people liked it and label wanted us. So the girl has no idea about 'the scene' and fucks us over. I put on a smile was liek oh yea hi shes nice. She wouldn't let him hang out alone they decided they were moving to South Carolina, so band broke up, with contract on the table. Cool.
He's MIA till one day he says he's not moving, I get excited thinknig he got smart and peaced, but oh wait. She's pregnant apparently going on and off birth control and not telling your significant other allows you to get pregnant, who would have thunk it?
So he's MIa forever never answers phone calls until he randomly calls me needing something.
"I want you to be a groomsman at my wedding"
Now I am in a quandry, do I say yes because of all the good times we had and how much I cared about him or do I say no since he became a whenever friend and made a horrible decision.
I said I think so.
He is then MIA again.
Until one day he calles about getting our tux's fitted. I think to myself, what the fuck am I doing. I am going to go to this wedding put on the oh hey congrats face and then leave and he'll be MIA for another 6 months or whatever.
I email him and say, I'm sorry but I will not be in the procession. Good Luck.
Julie then IM's me that conversation.

I don't need random people who will be friends then disappear, especially someone who you basically lived with. Not my deal. I could have went off on her or said horrible stuff here, but there's no point. Out of respect for him I will let it be. You just have to ask yourself, when all of your friends disappear because of some new person in your life, what does that mean.
I feel deep down inside he knows why I said no and he understands and will never hate me, there was to much that took place between us for that to happen. I hope he is happy, we had great times and memories are always relevant. Just never say I was a horrible person cause thats bullshit. But why worry, right.

Whatever

I bought

a date book planner thingy today. It helps me feel responsible, though I am probably never going to look in it after the initial things I scheduled today. It's the thought that counts right?

Graduation

I graduate in a month or so. I decided I'm not going to walk in it. I keep getting the guilt trip, it would mean alot to your grandparents etc. It's not my deal. I graduated, I don't need to sit in a 4 hour ceremony in a robe to walk and get a diploma. Mail it to me. Cool. Thanks.

this is me saying fuck you.

Feel Good Friends - Those who will talk and hang out with you like 24/7 and all of a sudden break off contact and then all of a sudden start talking to you again. Or randomly are like blah i miss you blah let's hang out soon.

It's one thing when it's a random friend but when you are close and this happens it's comedy. As much as it's a pain and suck I need to break off contact with some of these people. I do not need to respond to texts or anything of the sorts. Feel good friends area joke.

Oh hey red bull and vodkas

These are a few of my favorite things..

(songs)
The Killers - Leave Your Bourboun on the Shelf
Kate Nash - Pumpkin Soup
Secret Lives of the Freemasons - Feels Like Home

Kurt Vonnegut books
Pee Wee's Big Adventure
Polaroid Pictures
Iced Tea
Veggie Heaven
Playing Bass again
Deep conversations
Finding good friends in the weirdest scenerios
Sweaters in the form of Mr. Rogers style

Religious Freaks

i looked in the mirror..

and saw this...

shout outs to the cool things in college classes...

The Mom - she sits in my Music and Culture class and feels the need to agree with everything. She also believes that she has to nod her head after every comment, and nod it like a bobblehead set loose and that she can not speak at a normal volume but needs to talk loud and look around when doing so to make sure everyone is agreeing. She also knows that when a teacher makes a comment that is supposed to be funny, it is very appropriate to laugh like a hyena. Her comment today was about in response to the question posed if music can be used for evil: "Just look at Marilyn Manson and what he did to the Columbine Kids"...I'm passive in class and normally ignore every stupid comment but this set me off, I informed her that he is making art and does not matter how vulgar it is, he is putting out questions that need to be self analyzed etc etc. She then got mad and said that he was responsible...end of statement. I bet her kids love life...

The Kid with the noisy nose - Listen everyone now and again gets their nose all stuffy or it does that weird whistling thing, but this kid sounds like his sinuses are permenantly glued shut and he has a trumpet up there. It got to the point where I just sat there listening and getting progressively more angry. I couldn't listen to anything else or get it out of my mind it was insane. If you can not breathe open your other orfice aka your mouth and use that.

All the people who get confused with a syllabus... these questions have all been posed in the past week:
"Now this says on 3/14 there is a presentation for one of the groups, does that mean they are going on that day or they should start working on the assignment"
"On the day you show the videos for our project do we actually have to attend class"
"You say that if you come late all the time you will start lowering grade, I am never on time can I be an exception" Teacher: "Where do you live" Student : "I live in the CPAs, but I always wind up running late", he said this after showing up 30 minutes late...
"Do you think she'll (meaning the teacher), mind if I have my iPod on during class I don't feel like listening"

I feel like I somehow entered a special ed school instead of my last college semester.

don't lose touch...

Every so often I fall into these horrible bouts of like a mix between depression, pyscho-ness, self doubt, and just nothing that makes me who I am. It always happens with like seasons changing and stuff it's weird or when I get a completly different change of scenery. Like I was all good and during break I fell and fell hard into that mindset and it's bad. I've been like that up until right this moment actually. It was like a right song, a right friend I just saw, and a right mindset and it all hit.
I need to remind myself when I get like this who I am and where I've been.
Getting into my own mind and fucking with it is not cool nor is it attractive. I've done alot and I need to not get myself down about nothing. I can't have pretend and make myself have stupid self doubt and just become a mess, I need to realize that I am Nick Joyce and I've hung out with my heroes, Matt Skiba, and they loved me, I've had plenty of high up people suicide girls etc, I've had alot of fun. And I've done all that when I feel good.

I'm feeling good now. There's no point in getting down and being crazy talker to everyone I know, thats not my deal.

I'm good. I feel great. I'm happy.

Nick Joyce 2.0 starting now.

is it in me to put the bottle down

I have the most self destructive personality I know.

It's not even if things are going good or bad, I always try to shoot myself down a notch.

arg.

in past two nights..

I've been to two different bars and wound up rediculous.
The first night they refused to serve me cause I was to drunk, i spilled everywhere, we had 9 people in the car, 3 of which fled when we were stopped and cops came, amoung other things...

Last night resulted in this bill that I woke up with:
6 Southern Comfort
1 Coors Light
1 Miller Light
1 Coors Pitcher
7 Rumpleminz
15 Red Headed SLuts
=
$157.33

I don't remember anything but from what I've heard I was just being a prick.
whoops.

Just throwing this out there, but it's all bullshit. Look around yourself right now and think...it's all fucking bullshit

Some guy looked at me when I took off my hoodie and said "Woah you got some serious ink bro". He then inspected my arm giving me his ideas on what they mean and how the line work on the one is phenomenal. I then drank a large glass of alcohol and walked away.

last night

at one of the bars we went to there was a group of men who looked like those pictured above, except they had a little more muscle and had a little heavier fake tan... they ordered jagrbombs and kept doing them, the one guy didn't want to do one, but the others encouraged saying do the fuckin jagrbomb bro.

i wish i was kidding.

sadly i'm not.

top 3 people i've been compared to looking like in the past month...

Buddy from Senses Fail
Mark McGrath
Pete Wentz

I really don't see it at all. People are just morons end of story.

But all the while
She was still fresh in my mind
And though this might be premature
But ambition strikes just when the mood is right
The mood is right

this isn't who I am..

I have problems. I have alot of issues. Everything someone has gone through or experienced impacts them even if they don't realize it, these then become direct contributions to the type of person we are today. I'm a huge contradiction in every shape and form. There's so many things that have happened good and bad that have made me a mess in my own head. I think things over and over in my mind and then analyze that and the decision that comes from that I reanalyze, it becomes a vicious cycle that I endure daily in mind.
I'm super confident in myself but then I do something weird in my mind where I take that confidence and say I'm a fool and I become a little boy. It doesn't make sense to anyone, nor should it and nor do I really care. I have this sick guard that I put up, I've been hurt alot but know why and refuse to put myself in that position.
I think to myself why is there a sudden change in this conversation pattern or make myself believe something is up. Then I make up conclusions in my mind and convince myself they are real. The fact of the matter is I've hurt myself more then anyone ever has, anything that has been done to me I convince myself is whatever and then I fuck myself in the head. This is a ramble that should not make coherent sense to anyone but me..
I play parts that I know will get me in good, I know what needs to be said or done and then I do it, when I do things the right way though it's a mess.
I put myself in the form of songs all the time, I become that person who regulates their thought because of the song. I find myself all the time coming to certain albums that get me.
I get tattoos to remind me of things and that are a map of who I am and where I've been...
I have the state of New Jersey done to remind me of home and the place I'm from with the lyrics around it because of Keith and his impact he had on me, taking me on tour and showing me beauty in destruction. I have two AFI tattoos because they were mine, they gave me ideas and opened my eyes, helped me through all and let me discover myself. Alkaline Trio for the same reason and because of memories. The Bouncing Souls heart for what they did and also cause I wear my hear on my sleeve way to much and its always cracked, right next to it is a drama magnet because that is what has done it to me, I need to remind myself to look out. The bayside bird for same said reasons. And a razor blade slicing my writs for reasons you don't want to know.
I forever gave up eating animals not because it was trendy but because I don't think it's correct and I find the more I think about it the more disgust I have for humanity.

I'm tired of thinking things through to much and creating my own conclusions. I'm tired of believing that I found something great and its amazing and then all of a sudden just be let down. I'm tired of convincing myself things and going from a person who is full of confidence to a fucking insecure fool. I let myself do it to myself and it's a pain.
Sometimes I try to think about all the girls I've hooked up with and I can't remember them all but I get embarassed formyself cause it's so high. I've been good since August though and I'm not this permiscuous mess anymore. I find myself disgusted when girls throw themselves at me or people in general, have some respect for yourself, within the first 5 minutes of a conversation you should not be telling the other how you'll fuck them. I like the challenge of working towards it and then when it starts to happen I get disgutsted and don't want to speak to them. I like it when it's a two sided street where you work for it but at the same point its not something where you feel that you are harassing them. Personally I need clear clues and things said so I don't convince myself otherwise and just leave them alone. Thats what I'm doing right now and I think it's probably what is wanted.

I was at a bar the other night and it was crowded these girls were talking to me and my friend. I was already wanting to leave cause at the time I was content with what was going on in my life, they said something and I mentioned something about a book, the one responded with an I don't read just magazines, you're a fool and I hate that, I walked out not even attempting to be social. I get hit on alot and it feels good but I really don't care especially right now. I need to know what is really going on instead of making my own conclusions which I just came to.

This is a ramble but I don't really care. The vodka and tonic's have taken their toll and I'm going to try and smile now.

Don't judge me on this, I do that enough on my own. Don't be scared of me cause of this, I'm really not that big of a mess.
All in all I''m a fucking catch and a blast to know, or so I've convinced myself..

I hate myself, more than I ever let on.
I'm burned out at 22.
I lived too fast and I loved too much
and I'll die too young,
but I chose this cup that I drank from
.Knew what I was getting into.
But I couldn't let out what I had to keep in.
I'm ashamed of myself and unspeakable sins,
that I've committed and...

ramble ramble ramble

I have this whole thing in my head where I convince myself anything. I tend to always over analyze things, be over critical, or to introverted. Then because this is what I do I convince myself that this is how everyone is and everyone things the same way that I do. This then in turns gives me more problems that are in my own mind. It is a whole vicious cycle that I deal with daily.

I have this thing where within the first 5 minutes of seeing one, an interaction doesn't even have to take place I can size them up, like completly know their about me and know exactly how to talk to them for better or for worse. It's weird when I know just the right thing to say to get a reaction, this then contributes to me being a total prick alot of times because I know what buttons to push and what to say because I've realized about 90% of people that I have come into contact with are foolish and covering up. Myself included at times.....

sometimes

I get really drunk and wind up waking up the next morning with random stuff I bought. I just awoke, on the second mattress in my room, the guest one not my bed and laying next to me is a new polaroid camera all this polaroid film, and a picture of steve and i at cvs. I also vaguely remember breaking something and giving a waiter a 20 bill cause he just got out of jail and I felt bad....



Sometimes I'm a mess.

i got 2 new tattoos

ps: aren't my pajama pants sweet.

You ever wonder what could happen if two introverted people could get out of their shells.. i think it would be interesting.

I have always had a need for certain people to hate me. And if those people don't hate me, I feel like a failure. It's sort of an affirmation of what I am not.

comparisons

people keep saying I look like Pete Wentz, I really don't see it...
Pete:



Me:

oh god 07

Some pictures I could find of things and people that made me happy in 07...

Seaside, NJ
John Hsunami!
Jeff Vier!!!
Don't drink and drive.

Yankee game 8 dollar drinks!

Brandon!
Sum 41 hahaha
Hey Mike's very own Steven!

Hanging out everyday on warped tour with Keith =)!

Chandler.

Baron!
Bayside daily on Warped.
Tomato!
Matt Skiba and Trio!
First day on tour!

Hero Tour!
Dan Patterson!
Stew and Smee!
RIP sidekick 2 and daisy fuentes pants
This got me really excited

say what you want but it's fucking Weird AL
I <3 href="http://inlinethumb19.webshots.com/3282/2660782930067009412S600x600Q85.jpg">My mom hates me for this pic.

Pickle Jar!

Linnaea!

Gita!

RIP AGC.

i accomplished alot and learned alot, 2008 there's alot in stored for you....

Jersey Glamour Clothing
Writing a cd the right way with TS
Just being happy